Blog April 2026
We’ve just changed the clocks, the days are getting longer, and everywhere around us in Lache and Saltney, we see the literal signs of new life. But as I sat down to “check in” with myself recently, I realised that “springing forward” doesn’t always feel as light and easy as the term suggests.
In my own personal journal, I described my feelings as a bit of a mix: Conflicted. Confused. Uncertain. Growth, I’m learning, isn’t always a smooth path; sometimes, it’s a bit of a climb.
The Strength in the Questioning
I’ll be honest: I’ve been feeling conflicted lately. I’ve found myself questioning things I thought were long settled—about my path, my place, and how I fit into the “institutional” side of church.
For a long time, I thought that having a strong faith meant having all the answers but when i felt confident in knowing those answers, it seemed to me that the questions would changed. Especially in relation to myself and my connection to Christ. But I’m starting to see it differently now. I’m realising that my relationship with Christ is changing because it’s getting stronger. I’ve realised that I feel no shame in being exactly who I am in His eyes. When we stop trying to perform and start being authentic, that’s when the connection really deepens.
Finding Confidence
Despite those inner conflictions, this season has also been one of incredible growth. Being more involved at St Mark’s—leading the Lent reflections on prayer and preaching for the first time—has been a revelation. It has given me a steady confidence that I am on the right path as I look toward ministry training.
That’s not to say it’s been easy! I often find myself thinking: Who am I to teach God’s word? Who am I to give anybody spiritual guidance? I mean, it’s taken me years just to figure out how my home thermostat works (and I’m still not 100% sure I’ve cracked it), so who am I to talk about the mysteries of the Divine?
The “Imposter”
This is why I connected so deeply with the talk that Bishop Jill Duff gave at the New Wine celebration here in March. Her explanation of “Imposter Syndrome” really resonated with me. It was so reassuring to hear that those feelings of “Who am I to do this?” are actually quite normal. I’ve realised that we don’t have to be perfect or have “arrived” to be useful to God. In fact, it’s often in our vulnerability and our honest questioning that we are most able to help others.
Discovering the “Silence”
A big part of navigating these feelings has been finding space for “Silence.” Over the last three months, I’ve found myself reading more books than I have in the previous two years! I’ve discovered that sitting wrapped up warm with my “children,” Bella and Coco, and a good book has given me the space I needed to just “be me.” In that quiet, I’ve been able to reflect on what being my authentic self means as I move forward into this new chapter of ministry.
The Easter Opportunity: Moving Forward Anew
This is the heart of the Easter story. The Resurrection isn’t just a historical event; it is an invitation. Christ has given us the opportunity to move forward anew, stripped of the “filters” and the expectations we place on ourselves.
Easter reminds us that we are invited to step out of the tomb of our past mistakes or our “imposter” fears and walk into the light as our true selves. Because of the cross, we don’t have to stay stuck in who we “used to be.” We are free to spring forward into who God is calling us to be today.
A Small Step for April: The Discipline of Authenticity
As we enter this “new” season, I’d like to suggest a small spiritual discipline for us all: The Discipline of Authenticity. In Psalm 139, we read:
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me… you are familiar with all my ways.”
This month, try to lean into that truth. Pick one moment each day— maybe during your morning coffee or a walk—to sit with God without any “churchy” language or filters. Remind yourself that He already knows your heart and loves you exactly as you are. Just tell Him how you feel. Let that honest conversation be your daily “reset.”
A Prayer for April
Easter tells us that God is in the business of making things new. But “new” can be a struggle. It involves the hard work of “Spring Cleaning” our souls and making sure our environment supports our mental and spiritual health.
As we move through this month, my prayer for us all is that we can find the courage to be our true selves. May we find the “quiet waters” when we need to rest, the strength to handle our responsibilities, and the grace to be proud of how far we’ve come!
By Matt Poynton